Culture shock when moving to East Asia: Adjusting to Eye Contact and Nonverbal Communication

When you come from a Western country like Switzerland and decide to relocate to East Asia, whether Japan or Korea, you will likely discover that culture shock goes far beyond different food or language barriers. One of the most unexpected challenges many Western expatriates face is understanding and adapting to subtle, often invisible, social norms such as eye contact and nonverbal communication. Even after years of globalization, certain cultural expectations remain deeply ingrained in daily interactions in Japan and Korea. For those unprepared, the result is often discomfort, misunderstandings, and a prolonged adjustment period. In this guide, you will learn how to ease the transition by exploring the full context of culture shock when moving to East Asia, as well as specific practices like eye contact norms in Japan for foreigners, and how to develop a genuine sense of belonging through understanding nonverbal communication in East Asia.

I will also share my personal experiences, including dating someone who has never left Asia and learning how my natural Western habit of direct eye contact was perceived not as honesty or confidence, but rather as discomforting intensity. This guide is intended to serve as a Western expat guide to moving to Japan and Korea, with a particular focus on relational cues and subtle adjustments that will make your integration smoother and more rewarding.

Culture Shock When Moving to East Asia

Many people who decide to relocate to Japan or Korea arrive full of enthusiasm and curiosity. In the early weeks, everything seems novel, even charming: the neat organization of daily life, the quiet efficiency of public services, the refined courtesy in most social settings. This initial phase is sometimes called the honeymoon period. However, after the novelty begins to wear off, the deeper cultural patterns begin to reveal themselves, often in surprising and sometimes frustrating ways. This is the stage where culture shock when moving to East Asia typically takes hold.

One of the core aspects of this culture shock is the contrast between Western ideals of assertiveness, transparency, and egalitarianism, and the East Asian emphasis on harmony, hierarchy, and indirect communication. In Switzerland, and most of Europe or North America, making eye contact during a conversation is a sign that you are attentive and respectful. It signals openness and confidence. In East Asia, and particularly in Japan, it can have the opposite effect, especially in hierarchical situations. This became evident to me during my first semester attending lectures in Tokyo. While I was used to engaging professors with steady eye contact, I quickly noticed that my Japanese classmates looked down or to the side when asking questions. My professor, too, would rarely meet my gaze directly. At first, I worried that I had done something wrong or that my questions were somehow inappropriate. Over time, I realized this behavior was simply a reflection of the culture’s relationship with eye contact—a subtle signal of humility and respect rather than disinterest.

This experience exemplifies why understanding nonverbal communication in East Asia is such a critical part of overcoming culture shock. You may think you are behaving in a perfectly normal, even polite way, but from the local perspective, you might be perceived as overly assertive or even confrontational. Recognizing these patterns early will help you interpret responses more accurately and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

How to Adapt to Korean Culture as a Westerner

When you begin to look into how to adapt to Korean culture as a Westerner, you will quickly discover that Korea, while sharing some similarities with Japan in its emphasis on hierarchy and group harmony, also has distinct social customs. Korea’s historical influences from Confucianism have created a strong sense of order and respect in interpersonal relationships. Titles and age matter significantly more than they typically do in Western settings. If you are older than someone, you will be granted a certain degree of deference. Conversely, if you are younger or less senior in rank, it is expected that you will defer to those in authority.

This hierarchy is not merely a formality—it actively shapes how you are expected to behave, particularly in situations like business meetings or formal dinners. In Korea, eye contact with a superior is approached cautiously. Prolonged eye contact can be interpreted as a lack of humility or even an indirect challenge. When I first started dating my girlfriend, who grew up in Korea and never lived outside Asia, she would often mention how peculiar it felt when I looked directly into her eyes while speaking. What to me was a sign of warmth and connection seemed to her like an almost uncomfortable intensity. Over time, I adjusted by softening my gaze or looking away momentarily while speaking, especially during more serious conversations.

Another important cultural feature is the way nonverbal cues and silence play into communication. Silence, in Western countries, is often interpreted as awkwardness or disapproval. In Korea, silence can be an essential part of conversation, providing space to reflect or demonstrating respect. For instance, when discussing important decisions, many Koreans will pause before answering. For a Westerner who is accustomed to quick verbal feedback, these silences may feel unsettling. Yet, learning to be comfortable with them is one of the most powerful steps you can take toward integration.

Daily social practices will also require adaptation. Sharing meals involves etiquette rituals that may seem rigid. When someone older than you pours a drink, you should hold your glass with both hands and turn your head slightly away as you drink. Even casual gatherings often involve these small gestures, and they carry significant cultural weight. Overlooking them does not make you a pariah, but it can subtly signal that you have not yet made the effort to understand the deeper rhythms of Korean society.

Eye Contact Norms in Japan for Foreigners

Among the many areas of adjustment, eye contact norms in Japan for foreigners is possibly the most striking for Western newcomers. In the Japanese context, direct eye contact is carefully moderated. During professional interactions, extended eye contact is often seen as intrusive. It is not uncommon for a Japanese colleague to look at your forehead, chin, or even slightly past your shoulder while speaking. To a Westerner, this may feel as though your conversation partner is distracted or even bored. But in reality, it reflects a cultural understanding that steady eye contact can disrupt the equilibrium of a social exchange.

Outside formal settings, such as in casual conversations, there is slightly more room for direct eye contact, particularly among younger people or close friends. However, even then, it is often briefer and less intense than what you may be accustomed to in Switzerland or North America. You might observe, for example, that a Japanese person will glance at your eyes periodically but quickly look away as you respond. This is not a sign of dishonesty or avoidance; rather, it is a way to show deference and avoid the sense of confrontation that can arise from an unbroken gaze.

Learning to adjust your own behavior in these moments can prevent misunderstandings and help you build trust. You do not have to avoid eye contact altogether, but softening your gaze and allowing for pauses can create a more comfortable dynamic. Over time, you will likely find that adapting to eye contact norms in Japan for foreigners becomes second nature.

Understanding Nonverbal Communication in East Asia

One of the most essential skills you can cultivate as an expatriate is understanding nonverbal communication in East Asia. This includes everything from the way people stand and gesture to the subtle cues that accompany spoken words. In Japan and Korea, gestures are used sparingly compared to the West. Large hand motions, especially during serious conversations, can seem exaggerated or inappropriate. Facial expressions are also typically subdued, and smiling can serve functions that are different from what Westerners expect. In the West, a smile usually signals happiness or approval. In East Asia, a smile can sometimes be used to cover discomfort or soften disagreement.

It is worth noting that nonverbal communication is so embedded in the social fabric that it often operates below conscious awareness. For example, in both Japan and Korea, nodding along as someone speaks does not always mean you agree with their point; it often simply indicates you are listening attentively. Silence, too, is frequently misinterpreted by newcomers. While a Westerner may assume silence is a sign of disengagement or uncertainty, in East Asian cultures, it is often a mark of thoughtfulness and respect.

This difference can have a powerful impact on relationships, both professional and personal. Early in my time in Asia, I would often attempt to fill pauses in conversation with additional explanations, assuming that my counterparts had not fully understood or were dissatisfied with my response. It took time to learn that allowing space for reflection is a fundamental aspect of communication in these societies.

When you internalize these patterns, you will start to feel more confident and less anxious in social settings. You will also notice that people begin to respond more openly, sensing that you respect and understand the unspoken rules of interaction. Mastering understanding nonverbal communication in East Asia does not happen overnight, but it is one of the most valuable investments you can make in your cross-cultural journey.

Western Expat Guide to Moving to Japan and Korea

No discussion of adapting to East Asia would be complete without a more practical Western expat guide to moving to Japan and Korea, because day-to-day life involves much more than etiquette in conversations. It also includes learning to navigate work culture, housing, and social integration.

One of the most immediate adjustments you will face is the pace and formality of professional environments. In Japan, punctuality is treated with near-religious devotion. Arriving precisely on time is, in many cases, considered late. If you have a meeting scheduled for 9:00 am, arriving by 8:50 demonstrates respect and reliability. In Korea, this expectation is similar, especially in large companies or government institutions. Once you are in the office, you will quickly notice that meetings often begin and end with a bow, and the tone is considerably more reserved than you might expect from European workplaces.

Eye contact in these professional contexts is where all the cultural contrasts become most visible. You will likely find that when you try to establish rapport by maintaining steady eye contact, your colleagues may respond with polite but slightly uneasy glances away. They are not ignoring you—this is simply the customary way to avoid creating tension. Recognizing this early can save you the self-doubt I initially felt.

Work culture in both countries also emphasizes group consensus over individual initiative. Westerners often value independent problem-solving and self-promotion. In Japan and Korea, too much self-assertion can be seen as disrespectful to the group. If you come from a culture that prizes personal achievement, it may be disorienting to realize that being too vocal or too confident about your own ideas can undermine your credibility rather than enhance it. In this sense, culture shock when moving to East Asia is not just about obvious things like food or language but also about rethinking your place in a group dynamic.

In private life, housing standards will likely feel different from what you are used to in Switzerland. Apartments are generally smaller, especially in large cities like Tokyo and Seoul, and you will encounter many rules about noise, garbage disposal, and the use of shared spaces. While this can feel restrictive, these rules also reflect the larger cultural priority of minimizing inconvenience to others and maintaining social harmony.

One adjustment that many Westerners find especially challenging is the drinking culture. In Korea in particular, after-work gatherings involving alcohol are common, and it is customary to participate. Even if you are not a big drinker, learning how to handle these situations gracefully—by joining in to an extent or politely declining without offending—becomes an important part of your adaptation process.

This is where all the earlier lessons about understanding nonverbal communication in East Asia come together. You will learn to read subtle signals, such as a hesitant smile or a downturned gaze, and to respond with gestures and tone rather than just words. You will also start to notice that the same behavior can mean different things depending on who you are speaking with and in what context. For example, during one of my first company dinners in Seoul, I offered a toast while looking directly at my manager. His slight look away was not disapproval but rather a polite acknowledgment of the hierarchy. Only with time and observation did I realize this was a normal response.

Integrating Personal Experiences

In my own journey, nothing illustrated the nuances of eye contact more vividly than dating. My girlfriend, who had never been outside Asia, would often comment that my steady gaze felt almost overwhelming. What to me was an intimate gesture felt to her like scrutiny. At first, I tried to explain that in my culture, eye contact was a way to show sincerity, but I soon understood that my explanations would never completely erase her sense of discomfort. Instead, I began softening my eye contact, glancing away occasionally, and allowing more pauses in conversation. Over time, this adjustment made our relationship feel more natural and less like an ongoing cultural negotiation.

Similarly, my interactions with professors in Japan taught me that my default communication style could sometimes feel confrontational, even when my intentions were positive. During my first few seminars, I was puzzled by my professors’ reluctance to meet my gaze. Only later did I learn from Japanese classmates that in academic settings, direct eye contact with authority figures is often avoided to show respect. Once I stopped taking this behavior personally and adjusted my own, I found that my professors became more relaxed in our discussions. This was one of the most important lessons in how to adapt to Korean culture as a Westerner and in understanding the subtle but critical ways that nonverbal cues can either build or erode trust.

These experiences illustrate a broader truth: in East Asia, adaptation requires both learning and unlearning. You must learn the new customs and unlearn some of the habits that have shaped your identity. This is why culture shock when moving to East Asia can feel so intense, because it challenges not only your behaviors but also your sense of what is polite, warm, and respectful.

Final Thoughts on Adjusting to Nonverbal Communication

Learning to live comfortably in Japan or Korea requires humility, observation, and a willingness to let go of the idea that your own cultural norms are the most natural or correct. You will discover that gestures, eye contact, and even silence can carry layers of meaning you never imagined. Over time, what once felt alien will start to feel intuitive. You will find that your relationships deepen as you learn to see beyond words and interpret the shared understanding that flows through every interaction.

If you are preparing to make this move, it is worth remembering that you will never achieve perfect fluency in another culture’s nonverbal language. Even long-term expats sometimes feel unsure. But by approaching each encounter with respect and openness, you will build connections that transcend cultural differences. You will learn to appreciate the beauty in small gestures, the power in silence, and the comfort in knowing that with each day, you are becoming more at home.

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