Kasumi Kyoto – A Bold Steak & Beer Escape from the Botanical Café Scene

There are few things worse than being hungry in Tokyo with no solid plan. That’s exactly where my friend and I found ourselves one evening. Stomachs growling, we did what any sane men would do—find food, fast. My friend pulled out his phone, scrolled through restaurant options, and suddenly stopped.

“I got one,” he said, showing me the screen. Kasumi Kyoto, a café in Kyoto.

At first glance, it looked like every other trendy botanical café—floral arrangements, soft pastel colors, and an aesthetic that screamed “Instagram girls only.” But hunger doesn’t wait, so we set our skepticism aside and went in.

A Feminine Wonderland… or a Trap?

Walking up to the entrance, we noticed the abundance of flowers, vines, and delicate décor that framed the café. It felt more like stepping into an enchanted greenhouse than a place for two hungry guys to eat.

Inside, it was exactly as we expected—but worse. Every table was occupied by groups of snobby girls delicately picking at their vegetarian meals and exchanging hushed, judgmental glances at anyone who didn’t fit the vibe.

We were already standing, and before we could change our minds, a cheerful waiter approached us with the usual “Irasshaimase!” greeting. It was too late to back out now.

The Unexpected Redemption at Kasumi Kyoto: The Boyfriend Meal

Determined to make the most of it, we picked up the menu. As expected, it was packed with salads, fruit bowls, and health-conscious nonsense. Then we saw it.

Buried between the quinoa and avocado platters was something that stood out like an oasis in a desert: “The Boyfriend Meal.”

Steak. French fries. No unnecessary garnish.

We looked at each other. This was clearly the only meal designed for men—and without hesitation, we ordered two.

Two Beers, One Swiss German Conversation

If we were going to make this experience tolerable, we needed beer. A big one. Something to take the edge off, something to make the whole situation feel a little less unbearable. A drink to help us settle in, to mask the discomfort of being surrounded by a crowd of unfamiliar faces, in a setting so different from what we were used to. The thought of beer alone was enough to start easing the tension.

Turns out, we were the only people in the entire café drinking alcohol. Every other table was occupied by girls sipping herbal teas and fruit-infused waters, delicately clinking their glasses in a kind of serene, health-conscious harmony. It was almost comedic, how out of place we seemed with our oversized, frosty beers in front of us. The contrast couldn’t have been more stark—on one side, a bunch of people thoughtfully savoring calming drinks, and on the other, two strangers grinning over the refreshing coldness of a beer that was probably larger than anything they had ever seen in that place. It felt like we were in the middle of a parody, and we were playing the role of the outcasts.

Sitting back with our oversized beers and our meaty salvation, we began talking in Swiss German, knowing full well that nobody around us would understand. The sound of the language seemed to add another layer of ridiculousness to the situation. We were in this place, where we didn’t belong, surrounded by people who didn’t know our language, and the absurdity of it all made us feel almost like we were in a comedy sketch. We had to stifle our laughter because the whole scene was just too much. The more we thought about how out of place we looked, the harder it was to keep a straight face. But we knew better than to draw any more attention to ourselves—standing out any more than we already did would’ve been a disaster. So, we kept our laughter to ourselves, quietly enjoying the chaos of it all.

A Surprisingly Good Meal in an Unlikely Place

To our surprise, the steak was actually solid. Juicy, well-seasoned, and cooked just right. The fries? Crisp and golden. Whoever added the “Boyfriend Meal” to the menu must have known that every now and then, a poor soul like us would end up in this estrogen-filled jungle, desperate for a real meal.

By the time we finished our food and our beers, we were thoroughly entertained by the contrast of our presence there. While the café itself wasn’t our kind of place, the Boyfriend Meal had saved the day.

Conclusion: Not Our Scene, But an Experience to Remember

Would we return to Kasumi Kyoto with a friend? Absolutely not. But was it a legendary experience? Without a doubt.

Would I return with my girlfriend? Absolutely!!

If you ever find yourself in Kyoto, starving, and your friend accidentally leads you into a botanical café full of kale smoothies and oat milk lattes, just remember to scan the menu. You might just find salvation hidden under a misleading name—The Boyfriend Meal.

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